is probably the most prevalent, so it worth understanding a little about why we experience and what we can start to do to control it. In his book, Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman (Goleman, 1995) offers insight into our ability to first understand our emotions and through understanding better control and use them. The concept of EQ, emotional intelligence and having an understanding falls into two prominent aspects:
- Firstly, having an understanding of yourself, your goals, intentions, responses and behaviours and all other associated emotional feelings.
- Secondly, having an understanding of others and their feelings.
From this Daniel goes on to discuss in depth 5 domains of EQ:
- Knowing your emotions.
- Managing your own emotions.
- Motivating yourself.
- Recognising and understanding other people's emotions.
- Managing relationships.
Whilst we are focused on fear I have introduced the concept of EQ because of the myriad of emotions we experience. In my personal experience if you are unable to understand why and how fear impacts on you at whatever level, it will debilitate you and derail you from your path ahead. Your mindset has plays a significant part and stimulates emotion. With all emotions they are prompted and promoted by irrational thought, they don’t focus on the logic, often when we experience fear it will form the making of the excuse and a way out. Essentially without an understanding of fear, it will compromise your focus for the future and what you want to achieve.
Here's the thing, how do you begin to understand fear if we do all we can to avoid it. Surely to understand it we have to become comfortable with it, we have to experience it in order to really determine how to deal with it. We have to become familiar and to an extent comfortable with it, used to its presence. I’ll pick up on this shortly as I share with you my experiences.
Let’s put this into context for you right now in your business, what are you fearful of? Fear of failure; fear of success; fear of not knowing where to start; fear of getting finished; fear of being seen as a smart arse; fear of not being an expert; fear of losing everything; fear of change; fear of regret; fear of public speaking; fear of making decisions; fear of not knowing; fear of cold calling; fear of not reaching your targets; fear of committing; fear of being uncommitted; fear of not attracting customers; fear of criticism; fear of letting others down, fear of debt; fear of investment; fear of running out of money; fear of trusting others; fear of being on your own; fear of the unknown. FEAR OF COVID 19!
The list is not comprehensive, and you will probably have others we haven’t mentioned here. What’s interesting in direct relation to the irrational aspect of fear is the paradox with many of the fears, the opposite often exists in the same context. Fear of success may lead to the fear of failure! You see you really need to take control of these emotions and take a logical reflection as to what triggers it. In the same context, you’ll be able to identify fear and then utilise it as a strength to motivate yourself.
All too often fear will lock you away in your comfort zone in a bid to protect you. You will not seek to expand yourself, challenge yourself because it’s nice in your comfort zone, it’s safe in your comfort zone no one can touch you in your comfort zone. In all likelihood, you won’t be reading this book because it’s out of your comfort zone. Rather you may be looking to challenge yourself. You need to confront fear and to do that you will need to expand your comfort zone and that will require you to step out of it.
You will need to nourish yourself in order to reduce the fear, stop being irrational and start to think rationally. You will need to develop, learn, gain greater experience, shift your perspective and be doing it continually. It is only then that you will start to determine what can actually be achieved, what you can become. Don’t allow yourself to succumb to the fear.
False Expectations Appearing Real
False Expectations Appearing Real is probably the most widely used acronym in relation to discussions about fear. Which on the face of it is a relatively good way to sum up the source of fear. Being fearful of an outcome which may happen or may not happen in the future. As an irrational emotion fear will, if left to its own devices, derail your progress and stop you from achieving what is truly possible. I’d like to take a moment to reflect on fear in its rawest terms, the confrontation of your mortality. Now I’m no expert, from my own experience, learnings and insight fear is also an indication and signal that you need to proceed with care and attention. Not an excuse to halt or freeze or switch off. Quite the opposite. As one lady shouted out in a workshop when asked what is fear, the response came f__k everything and run! (Thanks Michael Heppell, a great share) Funny as it sounded at the time when you reflect on that, it’s probably the response most people have. Irrational with a need to create rational responses and commitment.
Throughout my military career, I have had to confront fear on many levels, most notably in combat. So, just how did I and all the soldiers and officers I served with manage to overcome the fear of ‘not coming back’. Conditioning, training and having an understanding of what to expect, becoming familiar with just how fear feels. I often remember the quiet reflection just prior to deploying on operations, it was probably the only moment when fear would suddenly come into the forefront of your mind. The reality then was focusing on the job in hand and having confidence in your abilities and being a part of the team. It didn’t result in inactivity but rather quiet confidence and inner reflection from becoming comfortable with the presence of fear. The key to being able to function effectively despite the presence of a fear of losing your life, being injured or one of your mates being killed or injured required a significant level of mental robustness. Learning, training and being comfortable with it was key.
In the first instance, the training is extremely comprehensive and pressured to enable you to operate at such levels for prolonged periods. With such high levels of training your reactions to situations almost becomes instinctive. You are able to programme your mind to immediately act. Once the operations commenced you had to take control of your emotions in order to make sure you were able to operate effectively. You can see from the insight to EQ, this was a significant ability required to deal with the rigours of operational life. It allowed the rational thought process to take charge and decipher the threat and response to it in a comprehensive and measured way.
Now I am only really touching the surface here, in order to offer context to the fears we encounter in business. One of the additional key aspects in understanding the impact of fear is understanding what physical and physiological signs you would need to be tuned into. Let me take a moment to give you some insight into the levels and impact of fear and what the likely signs and symptoms are. Often referred to as the ‘combat mindset’ the mental state of a soldier in combat conditions heightens physical and mental stress.
In a high threat life or death situation, the body will have an alarm reaction and the freeze, fight or flight reflex will kick in. This creates a host of responses when the soldier finds themselves in a combat situation some of which might be:
- Increased heart and respiratory rate.
- Nausea.
- Chemical cocktail of adrenaline + endorphins results in shaking, clumsiness, slowness.
- Pupils dilate and both eyes open wide.
- Tunnel vision.
- Tachypsychia, which is slow-motion time/space distortion.
- Auditory exclusion, a temporary loss of hearing.
- Precognition, foreseeing what’s going to happen.
- Conflicting memories
This cocktail of biological reaction results in various degrees of physical reactions, which some will, over greater exposure, adjust to and manage and others may not. Interestingly when I talk to business owners who are in a constant state of stress or fear it’s not unusual to talk of these symptoms. Why because our bodies are hard-wired to respond accordingly to threat.
The challenge here is that fear is debilitating when we do not take control of it and understand it. It negates your ability to function cognitively because your brain is only tapping into the simplest of brain functions. Your lizard brain or the chimp brain is the part of the brain we have managed to keep from our ape decedents. It’s like a PC going into safe mode. It stops all other processing activity other than what’s going to protect and preserve itself when triggered by a fear response. Hence the freeze, flight or fight mode.
So get comfortable with your fear and face them head on. As the saying goes, find the fear and do it anyway!